Dude...it's been a while hasn't it? It's been over a week since we've communicated via this online journal dealy. The reason may be that I've been down south in my home town chillin' like the proverbial villain and having a glorious goody goody time! Or it might be that I've been a lazy bum and haven't updated cause I've been...um..lazy...But that's all in the past. And let me tell you, boys and girls, there's a ton to update...let's see if we can get through a fraction of it all...
Alrighty, as you faithful readers know I've been home for the past week. I went down there with my significant other, my roomie, and his significant other. Fun was had by all. I took the boys out on the town, showed them all the sights and sounds of the glorious south. Dude...I was exhausted. We went to places that I never even bothered with! We did the touristy things that I've always taken for granted because I've lived down there for so long. It was a lot of fun, driving around, seeing what makes my home town tick. But...of course there was some drama...and here it is:
I got sick and tired of being tour guide. Not like, I didn't want to do it. I wanted to show my peeps around town. I wanted to do all the kewl shiznick that the big city had to offer. And I offered the kids suggestions about what we might do, what they might want to do, what they might want to see. Here's where the issues rose up.
A lot of people say I'm a natural born leader. Whenever I do something or say something, people listen. One example was when my friend, she told me that people like to follow me. That I'm just a nice, charismatic kinda guy and people are automatically drawn to me. We were talking next to a huge group o' my friends, waiting for a dance to begin. A dozen people or so, all my friends and each other's friends, were there. To prove her point, that people automatically follow me, whether consciously or subconsciously, she took me by the arm and continued talking and lead me away from the group. Now, we didn't make a motion, we didn't say "follow us" we just kinda started walking. No big deal. She then smiled and said, "Turn around." Sure enough, my friends, who did not once break from their conversations, started to follow! They were totally, whether consciously or subconsciously, began to follow me! To test this I actually led them in a big circle, just wandering aimlessly. They never once questioned it. They seemed to assume that I knew where I was going. It was a really weird feeling knowing that for some reason or another, my friends follow my lead, ya know? I don't think of myself as a leader. I don't think that I could take charge. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that often in social circles, I tend to decide what to do next. Which is really weird, considering in high school I was the biggest sheep this side of Lambert (old school cartoon...sheepish lion and all that...).
By nature, I'm the kind of kid who loves to please. I love to make people happy and comfortable. If I learned nothing else from mommy dearest I learned to be a good host. And to do that, I like to offer suggestions to my guests, and let them make the final decision. Would you like Pepsi or Coke? Coffee cake or cookies? Coffee, Tea, or me? Etc. Well, I applied this same technique to our touristy trip. I offered suggestions on where they would like to go and waited for them to make the decision.
I waited. and waited. and waited.
Chris is the kind o' kid who doesn't normally make decisions. He's all for whatever. He acts like he doesn't care, like he's fine with anything. But I know that he's not fine with everything. So here I was, giving him the chance to help plan our little trip...and he constantly was like "I don't care." And the more he said it, the more he refused to take part in the planning, the more annoyed I got. Ed, bless his cute little heart, was there the entire time, helping me calm down. I was totally getting frantic, trying desperately to come up with fun ideas and trips to keep my guests entertained. Since Chris was of the mindset of "I don't care" and Simone didn't know which side of the street to drive, it was all up to me. And I was annoyed and worried as hell. Annoyed that all of a sudden it's all my responsibility to see that we have fun. Worried that my guests weren't. And with all this emotional turmoil...I wasn't having fun. Not at first anyway.
Finally, I had it. Simone and Chris were constantly walking behind us, not once saying what they wanted to do. I finally was like "Screw them, I'm taking charge." I made up my mind, got in my teacher mindset...and lead the way. After the first stop I decided where we were gonna go next. And next. And next. I had asked the same question "What would you like to see next?" one too many times. I got the response "I don't care. You decide" one to many times. I decided that I would entertain my boyfriend, focus on his happiness, and if the other two had a good time, kewl. If not, not my problem.
After that momentous decision...we had a blast. I told them to all the sites and sounds that are typically popular in my hometown. I took them on a very fast tour of the more popular places. And we had a blast. I drove around, getting lost at times since I didn't do any of this stuff normally and so i worried that my friends were annoyed. But in the end they had a blast and I was all the more happy for it. I give props to my boyfriend. I seriously needed someone to vent to, to lean on, to whine to. And he extended a warm shoulder for me and his love gave me the strength to say "Screw you guys, I'm taking charge!" Thanks Eddie. I love you so much and I know you love me. And that was the best part of the vacation, being with you for so long...
Ahem...'nuff mushy stuff...After my hometown we went to my bestest best friend Ben's hometown. It was his turn to be tour guide. And he did a great job. We went to the beach, to the old town section, to the mall. The greatest though, was seeing RENT. I could do an entire entry, and more, on RENT alone. It is by far the best musical ever. Granted I haven't seen any other done live, and have only heard a few others like Les Mes and Phantom, but still! NOTHING BEATS RENT! We got the cheapo tickets and were way up high in the nose bleed section, but fun was had by all. We even had binoculars! The best part was seeing my sweetie tear up during some of the scenes were I usually teared up. He never understood why I loved to listen to the CD over and over again. Now he does...another Rent Head has been created!
The rest of the trip was spent with just my sweetie. Chris and Simone went back home after some trial and errors of renting a car. So Ed and I were stuck with the familia. And it was great. My cousins loved Ed, thinking he was kewl cause he played chess and video games with them. I was sooo frickin' happy to see him going with the flow when it came to my brother. He no longer completely shut Omar out. He actually interacted with him and played with him! I was like, WHOA! I was so happy, I could have cried. I loved Ed so much at that moment, because he knew how important Omar is to me and he made a strong effort to be comfortable with him. And I couldn't thank him enough for that.
Another big development was a loooong talk I had with mommy dearest. The cliff note version: I dont' care anymore. I'm not going to hide anymore. I'm at a point in my life where I can take care of myself. I'm not going to go into the living room and yell out to the world "I"M HAPPY!" but if my uncles or cousins ever ask...I'm not denying it any longer. In fact, I was very...comfy with Ed when we were with the familia. I noticed that my female cousins noticed how close I sat next to Ed, how we looked at each other, all the little things that if we were a regular couple, people would be like "oh cute!" I don't know if I'll be able to say "Guess what" to my dad and familia anytime soon, but no longer am I going to hide who and what I am. I told my mom that though I would hate it, and I would be saddened by it, if my familia decided to austersize me, then so be it. I'll still keep in touch with my mom and brother and whomever else accepts me. But in the homes I'm not welcome in, even my own, i just won't bother. I'm one of the most successful people in my familia. I'm the first one to graduate from college. I'm the first one to have a professional career. I'm the first one of the new generation to move away from home. I'm also still the same kid that these people played with, talked with, lived with, and cried with all those years. If they can't see that. If they can't get past the bedroom issue...then I'm sorry. It's not worth it. I will always love my familia. Even if that love is not mutual. But I will no longer deny who I am. Been there, done that, got the psychological scaring. Enough is enough. And I've had enough.
Alrighty kids...that's just a chunck of this week. i haven't even gotten to my new computer (sorta), the fact that I gave my one weeks notice at work, my comic book collection transfer, and school starting up pretty damn soon. But I'm done and I perfer listening to my supervisors in their meeting cause it's like I'm getting the inside scoop, even if it's just for a while more. So till next time!

All right. I'm feeling way better than I did this afternoon. So at least I'll have some perspective on this issue. It's not even a real issue really. It's more of an annoyance, and mostly it has to deal with my part. Here goes:
Simone is here. Simone is Chris' beau from Italy. They've been going out for 8 months now. 2 of those months they haven't had a chance to see each other because Chris is from here, and Simone from Italy. Can you say LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. The poor kids are so in love, but they don't know if they can survive the long distance thing. I mean, they're not even on the same continent! But they've kept in touch via phone and e-mail and online chat (the internet is a wonderful thing) and finally, Simone has come to visit. In fact, tomorrow we're all heading down to my former neck o' the woods! Chris, Simone, my significant other Ed and myself will all be going. Can you say ROAD TRIP!? C & S will be with us for a few days in my home. Then they'll be taking off. Ed and myself will be there till saturday, so don't expect any updates from now till then. I also get to see my bestest best friend Benji who's around there as well, not to mention all my other buds. Oh yeah, and the familia as well.
Okay, this journal started off as a whining kinda thing. So let's get back to that. Simone is here. Chris is happy. I'm happy for Chris. Seeing those two be all lovey dovey, though sickingly sweet, is really great. BUT when you hang around them and have no one else to talk to...well then, you see where I'm going with this? Can you say THIRD WHEEL!? Basically the boys were gonna go to the mall. I thought I wanted to go but then backed down, wanting to give the two lovebirds some alone time. What can I say, I'm a saint. Well, Chris wouldnt' hear of it. He and Simone wanted me to come along. What can I say, I'm a fun guy to have around. Usually. Now, the ride down there wasn't bad at all. We were talking and laughing. Actually, Chris and I were talking and laughing. Simone doesn't speak a word of English, and I don't speak a word of Italian. Thus Chris was the middle man.
As soon as we got there, they started clothes shopping. Now, I'm like any average straight guy. I only buy clothes when I need them...or when they have a kewl comic picture on it. Other than that I stay away. Chris and Simone are the complete opposite. They're totally into fashion and what not. So we stopped in almost every major clothing line store. I was like....dude...how many long sleeved stripped polo shirts can you see in one day!? We did go to the movie store, the toy store, and the game store, where I bought a PS2 controller but had to return it because it was busted. So basically it was a wasted trip. What's worse is they were the lovey dovey couple. Or trying to be, for Simone isn't really into P.D.A. (public displays of affection). Just not done in Italy. As I said, I was happy for them. I am happy for them. But you ever get that feeling where you're surrounded by people and yet are completely alone? I felt that. They were all babbaling in Italian and I was just chillin in the back. Chris tried to engage me in conversation but then he would turn around and translate and forget about me. At first I didn't mind. I was like, dude they haven't seen each other for months, let them be. But after a few HOURS of this I was just tired and cranky. And Chris could see it. i tried to tell him that I had a lot on my mind, what with going home and all.
Side note: Everyone at home knows Chris is gay. Everyone knows that Simone is Chris' boyfriend. NOT everyone knows that I'm gay. NOT everyone knows that Ed is my boyfriend. So for the entire week I'll be like this: "Familia. This Chris and his boyfriend, Simone. Familia, this is my....friend, Ed." SIgh...I had being closeted.
I basically said I was worried about that, about how Ed and my brother would interact (Ed's not to fond of my baby bro which sucks cause it might be an issue one day....I pray to the goddess that it doesn't become one...I don't want to lose either one...but if I had to choose, the choice would be obvious...). And stuff like that.
But later on when we got back home, I was relieved and relaxed and I was content. So i was my happy go lucky self again. I apologized to Chris and was like sorry i was such a downer. He was like, "Dude, we were worried about you, not annoyed." I was like kewl. I'm fine. We're all fine. And now, I'm a goin' home tomorrow!
Lesson Learned: Don't go out with new couples by yourself. Three's Company is just a T.V. show, not real life. The fact that I'm going to be with my boy tomorrow as well as my buds is gonna make the experience a hellava lot better. Till next time folks!