Honestly kids...i don't even know where to begin. And I know that that's how I usually begin these tiraids, but....this time...Okay, we'll start with tonight since it probably has the most significance at this moment in time and space.
My life is perfect.
I mean, yeah, I still am in debt, I'm still not completly satisfied with the whole self-image dealy, and there are people in the world (familia included) that would probably beat me if given the chance due to my inuendos in the bedroom.
But honestly, all that PALES against the feeling I had tonight.
Let's begin. Josh, my roomie, was making pasta. Neither Chris (my other roomie) nor I had eaten so we were all very excited. Becky (Josh's girlfriend) stopped by for dinner. We all pitched in making the spagetthi. They cooked, I cleaned. Simple as that. We all sat around the table and started to eat. The cheese was a wee bit moldy, but we didn't know that till later. Pray for our stomachs. Anyways...we sat there...like a family. Like a bonafide brady bunch television familia. And it just hit me, right then and there just how perfect my life is. I don't think I can remember another time when I felt this....complete.
The conversations we had ranged from the goofy to the dead serious. The thing was, i stayed mostly out of it. I mean, between Josh, Becky, and Chris, the IQ of the room would astound most professors of science, anthropolgy, history, and psychology. Everyone had an opinion of whatever topic there was. And I did too. I had tons of opinions. But...I take pleasure in listening to other people's opinions, and mentally, internally, comparing them to my own. It's not that I don't want to argue my point, or defend my viewpoints. it's just that I love to listen to other people, sometimes more than actually speak. I'm a listener, by nature. I'm also a showoff, due to my Leo background. But I can be a very good listener. And that's the role I took tonight. I listened and contemplated, every now and then added my two cents. But during the conversation, I put the dishes away and put the dirty ones in the dishwasher, all the while listening to the conversation.
And during that little moment, I had this profound revelation:
My life is perfect.
I don't want to rub it in, dear readers. But I know now more than ever that taken this vida for granted is pointless. I should revel in the fact that I'm living the dream that most people have: To have a family. I love my familia. I do. But here, in this apartment, this is the familia that I've choosen, and they're closer to me in so many different ways then my family is.
I have the job I've always wanted. I started today and I love it. I love my kids. They'res so adorable and so eager. I have a wide range, from "I don't know my last name or colors" to "Did you know if you mix red and blue you get purple?" For kindergarten, that's a big stretch. And I have great co-workers who are really willing to help out a newbie such as myself. The principal is hard core, but is like a stern motherly figure. She'll watch you're back, but ya gotta give it 110%. I plan to give 120%...
My boyfriend is a gift sent from the goddess herself. He's everything I've ever wanted. And so much more. i had such a limited viewpoint of what I wanted. I thought just someone to make me happy. But i discovered something that I kinda knew, but never really realized....in order to be truly happy, one must have the ability to make another happy. And that's my goal in life (one of the many) to make my sweetie the happiest kid in the world. Because lord knows...he makes me feel beautiful, amazing, happy, emotional...all of it because of who he is. I honestly have never been as happy as I am with him. And it's not that I don't need someone in my life. I'm capable of being by my lonesome and still feeling content. But...being with him shows that i am capable of being loved, and capable of loving someone. I may have been content before him, but with him I am happy. And there's a world of difference in that. We may last forever. We may last a few more months. All I know is he's contributed to making me the person i am today. And for that reason, he will always be in my heart.
By the goddesss! I am sooo frickin'...dude, earlier tonight, I almost cried. Thanks a lot Ed! You're rubbing off on me! After dinner i walked passed Becky, who was studying. I looked int he room and smiled. I told her outright, my life is perfect. And she's the one who called us a family. At that, i teared up. She said c'mere and we hugged. I almost lost it....Then Chris asked "Do I look fat?" from the bathroom. And we both started cracking up. I was like "The moment is gone!" but another one had come. One where it proved that we are indeed a family. Josh and Chris started to wrestle while Becky and I laughed and looked on. And right then, right there, my life was complete.
And it's only going to get better from here.

Let me just say, we have hit the mother load! I found out today that we got the apartment! WE GOT IT! WO-HOO! It's such a sweet pad, too! It's 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, fireplace, plush carpeting, TWO balconies, a wonderful view of the bay, AND it's cable/'net ready! Can you say DSL!? It's gonna be sweet, so very very sweet. And the biggest thing, the most amazing wonderful thing about it: my roomies are none other than two of my closest friends ever! Josh, THE definitive mac guy. I was his roomie our junior year of college. Ironic since I had a crush on him for my freshman AND sophomore year. Luckily him hookin' up with one of my friends (though Josh and I were friends long before that) opened my eyes and made me realize that getting crushes on straight guys is not a really good thing. Not that that stopped me or anything...Anywho, Josh is a really unique character. He's very liberal in his beliefs, but he really likes to argue about his beliefs. Not in an annoying YOU MUST THINK THIS WAY kinda way. More of an intellectual conversation kinda way. He's a real intellectual, always keeping up to date on the latest new going and making sure he has an opinion on them. Living with him was one of my best years at Dominican. He's a great guy, though he did have his "issues." Namely that he never cleaned the bathroom. At one point it got so bad (I refused to clean it since he wasn't) that I had to start using the public bathroom downstairs. I swear, we had a civilization growin in there! But he has his own bathroom in our new pad (dum dum DUM!). We couldn't have more different tastes in television and music. I love pop and WB type stuff. He like alternative (which i don't mind at all) but he can't stand anything "mainstream" he calls it. Same goes with television. Though I am proud to say that I was the one who introduced him to Felicity AND the pokemon trading card game (i'm evil, I know). And the fact that he knew the words to ALL the Backstreet Boy songs makes me kinda wonder about him...hmm....It's gonna be a real pleasure living with him again.
And I've already talked about Chris in a previous entry, so no more room devoted to the tall white boy. As of this writing he doesn't know about our new pad. I can't wait to be all like "Chris...i got news on the apartment...um...sigh..." and he'll be like "oh no, what's wrong? We didn't get it?" and I'll look up at him with puppy dog eyes and be all like "Welll...WE GOT THE PLACE!" ain't i a stinker?
we already planned on cutting the hallway in half. My roomies are the kind of kids who are the less decorations the better. I'm of the mindset that blank walls should be covered. In my room currently (as it has been since the past decade in all my habitations) is literally COVERED with posters, pictures, clippings, everything and anything that can be taped, tacked, gummed, or clipped to the wall. so half the hallway is gonna be chris' star trek motif. the next is Josh's apple computer decorum. and finally my little piece of artwork...whatever is the latest rage in pop culture. of course this is all being meticulously planned out...yeah right.
anywho, we'll be movin' in on the 26th of this month. right in time for my b-day! wo-hoo. can you say house warming/b-day bash!? Alright kids, talks to yous later!

Ya know, it's amazing how frickin' busy my life is. Most wouldn't be able to tell by lookin' at me. I'm just your typical, everyday, friendly neighborhood gay teacher who's into cartoons and comics and has a fascination with Pokemon, Vampire the Masquerade, and (currently) Final Fantasy X. No, I'm not a freak. Really. tee hee.
But I got to thinking today. My vida loca...it's pretty loca. There's been soooo much going on that I just really haven't had a chance to kick back and just...think. Let's see...what's been goin' on so far.
You've all heard about my summer school session. Today was a great day. The kids were good. Tyler was...well, Tyler was staring off into space but considering he wasn't buggin' anyone, I look at that as a step up. I've planned way ahead in math class, which means I don't have to worry about not having something to do for math. I wish I could say the same for reading and Language Development. But I'm hanging in there and I'm surviving, and getting experience points to boot! Scary ain't it?
I've been working two jobs, 'case you didn't know. I work at my college's library. I've been here for five years now. Whoa...five years...that's freaky. I've been known as library guy for about 4 of those years. Only 4 cause the first year I actually worked up in the computer lab and was known as Lab Guy. But i work here almost everyday. So i work a good 9 - 10 hours a day. 5-6 at school and 5 here. fun fun happy stuff! But it's worth it. I wouldn't call this job stressful. I love it here. The pay is good (I get a 50 cent raise every two semesters!), the co-workers are fabulous (I don't use that word in real life), the bosses are great (half of them play on my team) AND where else can I surf the 'net, do homework, grade papers, chat online, update my journal, read comics, and STILL get paid. I do shelve, shelf read, and help out patrons. But it's summer! Only freaky people are here in our non-air conditioned location! But it's the freaky people that makes this job so frickin' interestin'.
I went apartment hunting yesterday. I'm planning on moving in with two of my closest buds, Josh and Chris. I've lived with Josh before, the infamous junior year, and Chris is one of my closest buds ever. So it's gonna be a hoot. And we're all MAC Kids! Can you say NETWORK!? Yes, I'm a Mac geek. Anywho, we found this luscious(how often do you hear that word used in this context) apartment. It has everything. 3bd/2bath, fireplace, two balconies with beautiful scenery of the bay, cable/internet ready, plush carpeting, laundry room nearby, pool(s), fitness room, AND covered carports! So all in all it's home! We left a deposit today and they're gonna check the ol' credit and HOPEFULLY PRAYING TO THE GODDESS we will be moving in on the 26th! So...we'll see. The whole looking for furniture, bed, tables, couches, dishes, etc. will soon commence. Can you say IKEA!? Yes, two gay men and one Mac Savy straight guy...it's gonna be sweet.
I am currently in the middle of a budding relationship. Ever been in one of those couple things where you've only been together for a short time, but are so in love that it seems that you've been together for far longer? Well, I've been blessed with that. I've been with my boy for a little more than 2 months now. And it's been a wild roller coaster of a ride. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I love him more than I ever thought was humanly possible. And I believe that he loves me just as much. We've had our snigs at the very beginning, mostly doing with our "issues," stuff I'll probably get into eventually. Yes, believe it or not, this happy go lucky kid has issues. But that's a story to be told in another entry. Notice I keep putting things off? oh well. The thing with this relationship. It can be tiring! I mean, not in a bad way. Far from it. Its like, so much of my life is not focused on making this the best thing possible. It blots out so many other little tid bits of my life. And the thing is, I don't mind! I don't care because I've never been this happy, this satisfied with life. I got the job I want, I got the education I want, I got the shelter I want (hopefully) AND i got the man that I want! What more could I possibly ask for? Money and a new Ipod, but other than that...The thing is, it does take time and work. And i'm giving it my all. All that all that I give I'm so used to hording for myself, for my friends, for other things. I don't see my other friends nearly as much as I used to because I spend so much time at work and when i'm not at work and being anti-social, I'm with Ed or talking with Ed or thinking about Ed. He's such a huge part of my life that sometimes, it seems to be the only thing in my life, other than my job. It's not his fault, it's not really my fault, and it's not even a bad thing. It's just something that I'm not used to, that's all. It's taking some adjusting. We've spent the last few weekends together, and they've been amazing. This weekend is going to be uber special (I'll address that later in this entry) and so there's another weekend. It's just been a while since I've done something else. Again, not a bad thing. Far from it. It's just gonna take some getting used,that's all. And it's more than worth it.
And a very big thing is comin' up. Tomorrow actually. Which is gonna make this weekend uber. About two weeks ago was Pride, which for those of you who are not of my persuasion, is the equivalent of Mardi Gras for gay people. Or is that redundant? Anywho, at Pride I was with my boy and my boy pals, Chris and Michael. We were chillin', gettin' all the freebies, when we saw a tent saying FREE AIDS TESTING. Now, some of you may think, how safe/sterile/sure/etc. is this. Well, it was very respectable, very clean, very safe, very etc. Ed and I had been planning to get tested for a while. We attempted a few days before but shiznicked happened and we had to put it off. Contrary to popular belief, not all gay men are sluts. We only want to be ; ). Just kidding....tee hee...point is, Ed and I have been putting off going the full blown american pie way until we were both sure. I had done some not so safe acts before, as has he. We were young and stupid and horny. And honestly I have no real worries about it. I trusted the guy have no reason to suspect anything. But just to be on the safe/mature side, we both wanted to wait until 6 months had passed for Ed. That was a few weeks ago. We did the new oral test, which is just as accurate as the blood test, but no needles. Big plus there. The results were to take a bit longer, but no biggie. we could wait. And tomorrow, the waiting is over. After we get the results, it'll determine the course our relationship will head. Honestly, I haven't even considered the alternative. I'm tellin' ya, denial is a wonderful thing.
So as you can see, my life has been tres loca as of late. But I'm still keeping things in perspective, still keeping an upbeat attitude, and still thanking the goddess that I have such a wonderful life right now. I'll stop before I get any more mushy. Till next time!

It's amazing how fast a day's mood can change. Like, if you don't understand what in tarnations I'm talkin' about, just hold on there partner. All will be revealed.
Let's see...I get to school, all ready and proud of myself that I've planned out for the rest of the week what I'm gonna be doing. Well, in math anyways. The rest of the day I'm still going on the fly, like most teachers do. Anywho, I'm all good to go...and then the kids walk in. I'm guessin' cause it was the long weekend (which wasn't really long since we had school on Friday, but not on thursday but I needed an excuse) but they forgot how to behave in a classroom! They were talking, rowdy rough, not doing their work, and like, stuff! Some of them were kewl and cute. Others were like...TYLER! STOP HITTING RAHSAAN! Okay, I'll admit, it was mostly Tyler. Long time readers will know (two entries ago) who the tyrannical Tyler is. Quick update...I felt bad for him. I really did. But a small piece of me was glad he was going. He obviously does not want to be there. So when he ran away, we all assumed he would not be coming back. We he's back...with a vengence.
He gets riled up, and thus the other kids get riled up. They see me having to hassle with him, so they decide that I wont' hassle them. So he's taking away from the other students...as well as riling them up! And he's like whatever when I discipline him! Like I employ the triangle system (thank you Ms. Tjrnell) where I put your name on the board (first warning) put a line underneath it (second warning) put a line diagonally (third warning) and final fourth line putting your name in a triangle. The triangle means a phone call home. Well, most kids by the first or second line get the picture. This kid, Tyler, he's like "Just a phone call home!? Who cares! At my old school they'd send me to the office!" So to him, it's like whatever! I need to talk to the secretary (she's on my side) and see what I can do. I don't want to sound all whiny or as if I can't handle it. But I talked to my friend who's a fellow graduate...but by far the better teacher....and she had Tyler for a week while subbing. He's a lost cause she said. And she's the type of gal who would NOT give up easily. She put up a good fight and tried...but it didn't work out. And if the other experienced teachers are like "I don't want him, not even for an hour..." I don't know...All the principal did was "don't run away again." yay...we'll see what happens. I love kids. I really do. I love teaching. But when that one kid takes the time and energy needed for the others in the class who want to hear...well, the whole majority over the minority comes into play...
Anywho, I was pretty bummed. I had 7 names on the board...i have fourteen kids. What does that tell ya. Anywho, I was ready to go veg out and kill stuff on Final Fantasy X (that game and my addiction merit their own entry) when my pal Chris IMs me. He wants to have lunch. So i go and we have fun. Then we decide to go visit this apartment that I learned about on http://www.craigslist.org
In case you didn't know (and why would you since I don't think I've mentioned it) I'm in the process of lookin' for a new apartment with my close friends Chris and Josh. I like the place I'm in now but...well, let's just say I can hear the guy snoring downstairs...So we head over to this place and we're like, hell no we can afford it. It's in the mountains in a really nice neighborhood. I'm like, hell no. We get the grand tour of three apartments. We fell in love with the middle one. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, fireplace, 2 porches/balconies with a great view of the bay (wouldn't you like to know where I live, heh). It was like, Dude, we could sooo live here! And we can apparently! It's within our price range! All we gotta do is see if my other roomie approves and wam bam thank you m'aam we're moving at the end of the month!
So thinking about the future, having all these ideas of all that we want to do with our new digs, made me realize that though today may not have been the best, the future is looking so bright I gotta where shades! I love the 80's. We're all ready planning on decorating the hallways with photos/star trek pictures/wall scrolls/apple computer posters. yes, we're all geeks. but proud of it!
All I gotta think about now, if we decide to get it, is which room to get. My friend who's paying the most will be getting the largest master room with a bathroom. I have the choice of:
a) the smallest room with a wall closet BUT with a balcony. A pretty decent size one, big enough for a table or a futon or a stretched out lawn chair. I'd be surrounded by nature and it's just really kick ass.
b)the second biggest room with a large walk in closet, a small closet in the same room, more walking space, but a sucky view of dirt...i have a ton o' crap so the extra shelves would really come in handy.
just by the past two entries alone, and my boyfriend's opinion, I'm leaning towards the balcony room. I'm used to being cramped so big whoop!
But all this apartment hunting and planning for the future has really just made me realize how far I've come. Life for me really began five years ago, in 1997 when I first started attending good ol' D.C. Now, five years later, I'm about to move into my own apartment, with people who I consider some of my closest friends. It's amazing how much time has passed. And it's amazing how very fast it has past. Makes me want to cherish the time that I have left...